Core exercise · 5 of 12
Gratitude Collection
Counted · daily target 5
"The 5 drops of gratitude you wring out of the day"
The idea of gratitude has been so thoroughly hollowed out that for years I couldn't even use the word gratitude without a joke attached. In defiance of this idea going soft, I fired some sentences at myself with plenty of exclamation marks: "Enough! Every day, you will dig out at least 5 things, big or small, to be grateful for during the day!" Even though some days I do it just for the sake of having done it, like brushing my teeth half asleep, moaning all the way, in the end I really did wring the day out and get at least 5 moments of gratitude for myself. On those "super days", when I had a blast with friends, did some sport, things went smoothly, my shares went up and the weather was nice, I got my gratitude count up to 12 or so; on days when I never left the house and wrestled with illness or a pile of stale chores, I stayed at 3 or 4. In the end I have no option but to carry on under the motto "It is what it is...". But in my collection there are a few gratitudes I dug out on my rock-bottom days; let me share them as a starting point:
- I'm alive. I can breathe.
- The sky is still blue, the sun still bright.
- With these exercises I'm trying to look after myself. At least I'm making an effort!
"The gratitude paradox"
Another thing that shoots the idea of gratitude in the foot and reduces its worth to zero in people's eyes is Pollyannaism. The gratitude at the end of "I'm on minimum wage, I can't make rent, my kid is skin and bone from eating badly, but never mind! I'm alive and at least I've got a mouldy loaf to eat!" may be a justified gratitude, but it does not mean you won't hold to account the system that put you in this position, the changes in the law or the regulations nobody enforces, the greedy politicians or the negligent employers! If I have a job, being grateful that "My finances are going well." doesn't get in the way of my wanting to earn more, to focus on personal projects like Foxfulness and to grow it. If I've been laid off, being grateful that "We have a roof over our heads and a dinner to eat tonight." doesn't mean I won't look for other jobs. Gratitudes always change with the situation and the time, but what this exercise does is this: before you leave the comfort zone, another phrase that has been chewed to death, it has you first build a solid comfort-zone floor you can stand on, feel comfortable and at peace there, and then, if you're ready, push at the edges of that comfort zone. Remember: if someone is shouting "Count your blessings!" at you, they probably have something to gain from your pacified state, and that is what they are grateful for. What you are and aren't grateful for is your choice. If being grateful for something doesn't come from within, don't, and go and take action on that thing so that it becomes something to be grateful for!
Research
Research: Gratitude Collection
Counting blessings is the most researched exercise in the set. The paradox is an argument, not a finding.
These notes are a starting point for the author's own reading; nothing here is medical advice.
Gratitude lists are the most researched exercise in the set. The study that started it asked people to write down a few things they were grateful for each week or each day and compared them with people who listed hassles or neutral events; the gratitude groups felt better about their lives and, in one of the studies, exercised more (Emmons and McCullough 2003). A review that put the later work together found that gratitude is linked to well-being over and above personality traits (Wood, Froh and Geraghty 2010), and a meta-analysis of gratitude interventions found benefits that are real but modest, often no larger than other positive activities (Davis and colleagues 2016). "At least 5, even on a bad day" fits that literature: the effect comes from doing it, not from how good the day was.
The second half of the exercise, the paradox, is a social argument rather than a finding. The clearest book-length version of it is Ehrenreich (2009), which traces how compulsory positive thinking is used to tell people to put up with what should be changed.
References
- Emmons, R. A., and McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., and Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review.
- Davis, D. E., and colleagues (2016). Thankful for the little things: A meta-analysis of gratitude interventions. Journal of Counseling Psychology.
- Ehrenreich, B. (2009). Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World. Granta. Published in the United States as Bright-Sided.
Notes last touched October 16, 2026